Monthly Archives: May 2011

25 Irrefutable Cat Laws

cat laws

  • Law of Cat Inertia: A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force, such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.

  • Law of Cat Motion: A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.

  • Law of Cat Magnetism: All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

  • Law of Cat Thermodynamics: Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.

  • Law of Cat Stretching: A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.

  • Law of Cat Sleeping: All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat.

  • Law of Cat Elongation: A cat can make his body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.

  • Law of Cat Acceleration: A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.

  • Law of Dinner Table Attendance: Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.

  • Law of Rug Configuration: No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.

  • Law of Obedience Resistance: A cat’s resistance varies in proportion to a human’s desire for him to do something.

  • First Law of Energy Conservation: Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.

  • Second Law of Energy Conservation: Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.

  • Law of Refrigerator Observation: If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.

  • Law of Electric Blanket Attraction: Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.

  • Law of Random Comfort Seeking: A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.

  • Law of Bag/Box Occupancy: All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.

  • Law of Cat Embarrassment: A cat’s irritation rises in direct proportion to his embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.

  • Law of Milk Consumption: A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.

  • Law of Furniture Replacement: A cat’s desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.

  • Law of Cat Landing: A cat will always land in the softest place possible.

  • Law of Fluid Displacement: A cat immersed in milk will displace his own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.

  • Law of Cat Disinterest: A cat’s interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.

  • Law of Pill Rejection: Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.

  • Law of Cat Composition: A cat is composed of Matter + Antimatter + It Doesn’t Matter.

Signs Of A True Dog Lover

dog lover

You are a true dog lover if…

Your dog sleeps in your bed. You apologize if you have to move it a bit.

Talking to your dog, you call yourself Daddy or Mommy.

Nothing can be seen through the rear window of your car because it’s all in noseprints of your dog.

You call your dog with 32 different names and none of them makes sense. But your dog responds to them.

You like people that like your dog. You despite people that don’t like it.

In your pocket, there’s always a treat for your dog.

You always put a second cover on your bed so that you dog feels most comfortable.

You choose furniture, carpet, and clothes so that they suit your dog.

The only photo on your work desk is a photo of your dog.

You read people lectures about how responsible one should be raising up a dog. You do that any time you get a chance.

You miss your breakfast to have a chance to walk with your dog before going to job.

You are the only man in the street when it is raining cats and dogs – it’s all because your dog needs walking.

In the end of the day, you don’t drink beer with your co-workers anymore because you have to rush to your dog.

Your weekend plan is to walk with your dog (for both Saturday and Sunday).

Your fridge is full of bones for your dog.

You’ve never eaten all of your beefsteak or fried chicken – you share it with your dog.

You don’t hoover your flat as long as possible because your dog is afraid of the hoover.

You keep on eating even if you’ve found some dog hair in your plate.

When your dog gets older, you make some steps for it to ease climbing on to bed.

When your husband and your dogs snore, it’s your husband who grabs the pillow to sleep somewhere else.

Your dog is the star of your website!

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